Top 5 Biggest Spirit Misconceptions

For the past few months I have been adulterous to my love for wine. I’ve veered into the dark zone of spirits for Unit 4 of WSET diploma. I’ve dreaded studying spirits both because I know nothing about them and also because I didn’t really care to learn. I must say though, they can be pretty neat. Don’t be surprised if you catch me at a bar ordering a scotch on the rocks with the best of’em In any case, much like my Top 10 Biggest Wine Misconceptions, I’ve put together some spirits misconceptions. Maybe you can learn a little bit too. In no particular order:

5. Absinthe has hallucinogenic properties and it is illegal in the United States.

Absinthe is actually legal here. What’s illegal is products that contain too much of a substance called thujone. Thujone is a compound found in wormwood which is part of what Absinthe is made from. However, most European absinthes are under the limit, making them legal in the U.S. Regardless, neither absinthe nor thujone have hallucinogenic properties.

4. Gin is different than vodka.

Gin is literally vodka that has been flavored with juniper and other botanicals. Both begin as a neutral spirit and gin only becomes a different animal when these botanicals are added. With the recent popularity of flavored vodkas, I would imagine that someone will develop a deceptive “juniper flavored vodka” that will sell like hot cakes, while poor gin is left behind.

3. Vodka is always made from potatoes or grains.

There is no law that states that vodka must be made from these materials. In fact, the E.U. parliament recently decided (much to the chagrin of Russian and Polish producers) to write a new law explicitly stating such. Vodka can actually be made from any fermentable substance, so long as it is distilled to a neutral state. In fact, new vodkas such as Ciroc, made from grapes, have hit the market recently. Vodka is overwhelmingly the most popular spirit in the world so it’s no secret why every Tom, Dick, and Harry wants their spirit to be vodka, regardless of the sludge they use to make it.

2. Tequila has a worm in it that is hallucinogenic.

Uh no. False.

1. Tequila is made from a cactus.

Tequila is not made from a cactus at all but rather the core of an agave plant which is in the lily family. The agaves are put in ovens and cooked, milled, fermented, distilled and possibly, matured.

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The 86 Rules of Boozing

Any respectable imbiber can tell you that there are certain unspoken rules of drinking, especially in public. This list of “rules of boozing” from “Modern Drunkard” magazine was published a little while ago, though somehow it slipped through the cracks until today. In any case, I figured I’d share some of my personal favorites with you all. Which are your favorites? Do you disagree with any of them?

10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.

14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you. (mean but true, we’re all guilty of it ladies)

17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

20. Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you’re doing the same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.

24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

28. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.

34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it. (yes, sophisticated is usually how I feel when I’m drunk)

46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman’s name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” or “darling”.

47. Nothing screams ‘nancy boy’ louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter. (I think I just liked the term nancy boy)

55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.

56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.

66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”

67. Never ask a bartender “what’s good tonight?” They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar.

73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this is going to be a hassle, but . . .”

83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.

Read the full list here.

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